What They Don't Tell Us

There are things they don't tell us in our education courses.

"I want to tell you something...

   ...my best friend was raped.
   ...I might be pregnant.
   ...my dad kicked the **** out of me.
   ...I don't have food in my house.
   ...my parents are getting a divorce.
   ...I miss my dog.
   ...those aren't scratches, they're cuts.
   ...I just feel so sad all the time.
   ...my parents drink a lot.
   ...I'm getting new foster parents tomorrow.
   ...my dad's in jail.
   ...the police were at my house again last night
   ...I'm depressed.
   ...we don't have a house.
    ...I feel so alone."

"Let me tell you something...

   ...my door is always open.
   ...I care.
   ...we'll find a way to get through it.
   ...I am so sorry this is happening.
   ...there are many people here that care about you.
   ...I will always listen, but won't always have answers.
   ...education can help get you away from this.
   ...I will always stop when I see you upset.
   ...you are not alone.
   ...this sucks.
   ...I'm here if you need to talk.
   ...I will do my best to get help.
   ...you can do this.
   ...I don't know why.
   ...it may take time, but you will be okay.
   ...I promise.
   ...I believe in you."

"I want to tell you something...

   ...you make me smile.
   ...I wish I was your kid.
   ...you really get us.
   ...I miss your class.
   ...you are always there for us.
   ...I love coming to your class.
   ...you believe in me.
   ...I made this for you.
   ...you are going to be at graduation, right?
   ...I wish you were my teacher next year.
   ...you are my favorite teacher, ever.
   ...I'm going to come to visit!
   ...you believe in all of us.
   ...thank you."

There are things they don't tell us in our education courses.

A Letter to my Younger Teaching Self

Background:

As I look towards the end of my 20th year as a teacher, thinking about this journey happens almost every single day. Each day I'm in the classroom, each conversation I have with a student, each lesson that inspires, each lesson that fails - - I'm reminded of moments I've experienced in my classroom. I'm a big fan of the Player's Tribune and their series of "Letters to My Younger Self". I love reading about these sports stars and their journeys, but I've often wondered what if teachers had the opportunity to share their journey?

This was one of the hardest posts I've ever written. I modeled it after several letters and found that helpful with the writing process, but what made this hard was thinking about those moments that defined me. So many moments happened in my classroom that shaped me as a person and left a mark on my heart that it's impossible for me to include them all. Each of these moments, stories, incidents  I included are real. There is no exaggeration. They are told from my memory and from my heart.

Letter to My Younger (Teacher) Self:

MR. STORM

TEACHER / MIDDLE SCHOOL

Hey kid...yeah you....the one with all the energy, big smile, raising your hand at meetings, and filled with so much passion you can't wait to get to school. 

 I'm you.

Twenty years in the future. Twenty years of being a teacher later.

You're probably looking at me like "That can't be me...twenty pounds heavier, lot less hair...and man, those bags under your eyes? Are you getting any sleep?! What happened to me?" 

Well... let me tell you. Teaching happened. That’s what...you sure you want to do this? You sure you want to be a teacher?

I know what you're thinking. "There's no way teaching is that hard. " You're ready to go get 'em. Get that classroom set-up. Learn your kids' names. Come up with those fun and exciting lessons. Let me tell you, there's so much more to it than that. You're going to soon realize that it's about the relationships you develop with those kids and families and they will mean so much more to you than any lesson plan you ever write.

Your first year will fly by. Teaching 5th grade was your dream and you got to do it. Some of the days in that class will be great. You'll think you're making an impact every single day.  September of your first year will be a blur and you plan the ultimate welcome for your kids' parents. You'll get your suit on, put that awesome powerpoint presentation together, set-up the desks with notes from the kids to their parents and you will practice in front of the mirror for your first ever Back-to-School night. You'll wait at the door to greet parents.  When the first parent shows up at your door and doesn't speak English you think that's okay, you can make this work. 

Only it doesn't work. No more parents show up from your class. Not one. This will hit you hard, but it will make you work even harder.  You sit down that night and write a note to each of your fifth graders and realize you're an even bigger part of their lives. 

The year flies. You won't remember all the late nights you spent in your class planning and setting up lessons, or the countless weeknights and weekends planning and grading. You won't remember the names of some of the teachers you worked with or even the principal's name, but you will remember the first "real" conversation you have with a kid. The first time a student tells you they aren't safe at their home, that they don't want to go home. Good thing you're friends with the head of the Children and Youth division in your town.  The next day, she's not in your class and you begin to worry. She doesn't show up for a few days and your heart is torn up... I just want to warn you, it's not the last time this will happen. It's not the last time you'll lose sleep over a kid that's not yours.

You will never see that kid again. But to give you the fuel to keep going, let me tell you she's okay. That head from C&Y runs into you several years later and lets you know how thankful that kid was for you. But I also want to keep it real - not all of your stories will have happy endings and I want to just remind you, don't quit. Don't stop giving your heart to these kids. There will be many more who need you.

You will teach 5th grade like you are never going to leave, but on the last day of school, the principal will tell you that the teacher you're filling in for is coming back. Your heart breaks a little again -what will happen to these kids? You'll only get to say goodbye to the few that show up to your wedding that summer, but you will never forget these kids. You'll be looking in the newspaper to see their names at graduation and your heart will swell when you see their names, but you will always wonder about the names you didn't see.

Your life will take a direction you never thought you'd be heading...to middle school. You'll spend the next twenty years of your life teaching in a middle school and man, what an experience it will be for you. You will come to love middle school - especially the kids. So much so, you can't see yourself doing anything differently. Sixth grade will be where you make your home first, but it's not where you'll end it.

Middle school will be your first experience working with a "team" of teachers and it will be something you should cherish. Sadly, it won't be around for your entire career. Your team over the few years will change and you will make life-long friends working alongside some of the best teachers and people you'll ever meet. You will do some really fun and engaging lessons with those people. Understand that the support and relationships with teachers who care as much as you are just as important as the ones you develop with the kids. Make time to connect with them - eat lunch with them, get together for breakfast, connect on social media...enjoy the adults around you who are also giving their hearts to kids.

That first year in your classroom will be amazing. You will meet the first group of kids from a community that you will become a part of, and you will never forget any of them. There will be kids from this class that you connect with deeply. You will form bonds with them because they are the first group of kids you teach at a place you’re going to spend a long time at. Take all the coaching jobs they ask you, teach those lessons that others will question, and leave your door open to the kids before and after school. There will be many early mornings and late nights.

The crazy thing is you'll be doing this while you try to raise a family. Teaching will take a toll on you - your blood pressure will be up, your diet won’t exactly be the best, and you will always be thinking about those kids,  but remember your family comes first. Your kids will thank you for helping them chase and achieve their dreams. You will also be lucky to have a wife who will be there to listen to your stories about the day and understand your passion.  It won't be easy being a parent, a husband, and a teacher, but it will be worth it.

The teaching years will fly by. You’ll make a promise to each class that you will remember each and every one of their names, but the years blend together and you won’t remember what year you taught them. But I’ll tell you this, you will not forget the kids that you taught.

You will have names and faces that are burned in your mind forever. There will be moments that make you look at sunny days in the spring a little differently. Like the sunny afternoon in the spring when you were out in your backyard and your wife hands you the phone. Time slowed as you heard the phone chain message beginning with “we have terrible news…”

 Time will stop when you hear the name. The name of a kid who’d said goodbye to you Friday afternoon. A kid who visited your room every day after school. A kid you’d never hear say goodbye again  It’s the first time you ever experienced a kid you knew taking their own life. That moment will stay with you and shape the rest of your career. It will be a driving force in your career. You will always do your best to read a kid’s face and really see what they are feeling.  No matter what, you will make time to listen to kids

That student won’t be the first you’ll lose - there will be car accidents - kids like Chris and Larissa; drug overdoses - kids like Katey and Jose. And there will be more tough conversations with kids about abuse, drugs, eating disorders, and self-harm and you will find a way to listen and be there. You will have kids that go off to serve our country and not come back the same. These kids will stay in your heart and you’ll remember their twelve-year-old smiles forever.

Those days and moments won’t be easy…

Doesn’t sound like what they tell you in college, does it? None of those undergrad classes prepared you for that, huh?

Keep your head up. It will cross your mind many times about what you are doing. Is it worth it? Am I really making a difference? Can I be the change these kids need in their lives? You can and you will. I promise you.

You will go through many changes as a teacher. You will begin to understand that there is a lot that needs to be fixed with our education system.  Keep trying to fix it, change it, and be that teacher that you needed when you were in middle school.  Find the support you need to make it through. You will connect with amazing teachers across the world. These teachers will inspire you, motivate you and challenge you

You will attend graduations, birthday parties, and even be the DJ at one of your student’s wedding (and no, you won’t get much sleep the night before that). You will be there to offer encouraging words reminding a kid to keep chasing their dream of being a vet, even after almost quitting twice - she’ll learn that the third time is the charm. You will attend sporting events, plays, and dance recitals.  Those kids will become your kids.

You will question whether or not the kids even care? Believe me, the kids will find ways to show you they care. Some will eat lunch with you every day for two years straight. Some will make you cards and pictures - make sure you hang on to those, and some will cry on the last day of school.  Other kids will do it in the most “uncaring” of ways, but those are the kids that will need you the most. Always remember that. 

You will get to know a lot of kids and their families. You will come to be part of a community that you don’t even live in. You will always hope that all the work you’re putting in is helping this community.

When you get that notification on Facebook from a face that looks familiar to you but seems all grown up, accept it.  Social media will allow you into their lives, like you allowed them into yours. You will look at the pictures of these “kids” (they’ll always be kids to you) and realize you had a part in their lives. And all over again, you’ll be there to experience the highs and lows with your kids. Don’t be afraid to comment, congratulate, offer condolences...let them know you still care.

1998 will turn into 2018 in the blink of an eye.

When you walk through the door on a cold winter day of your twentieth year, you’ll comment to your wife,  “I’m tired, so tired...it’s so hard this year. I can’t believe what my kids are telling me and going through.”  

To help you try and feel better your wife will reply, “You’re not going to save every kid.”

No, no  I’m not, but I’m going to keep trying. I’m going to think back to you. I’m going to think back to why I became a teacher.

Good Grief Charlie Brown Teacher

The first day of school is what sets the tone for the rest of the year. Did it start something like this?

Make It Count

As a kid growing up, I remember those days in the classroom. I can almost picture the spot on my desk where the drool would puddle up, as I "listened" to the teacher explain for twenty-five minutes who she was, what her classroom rules consisted of - all thirty of them  what her expectations were for us, what would happen if we didn't follow them, how all of our assignments counted -some more than others, wah, wah, wah, wah...the crazy thing is those Charlie Brown days are still occurring in today's classrooms.

Those Charlie Brown days can't exist in our classrooms today. I'll be the first to admit, and it's only taken 18 years, that the procedures, the rules, the million things about me can wait. - we only get ONE first day, ONE day to make that first impression and ONE day to show the kid what we are.

Life is Just A Bunch of Jellybeans

This year my first day was not about rules...not about procedures...it was about time. It was about the time we would be spending together, the time we would be doing amazing things, the time we would spend  learning about each other and learning about the world we live in.

Did I know their names? No. Did I know their stories? No. Did they know me or my stories? No. That would all come. Right now, day one, I wanted them to know that I valued them, I valued their time, and I valued what was to come with our time together.

I gave each student a jellybean and told them to eat it. I asked them what they tasted - not the flavor, but the taste. Some mentioned their beans were "sweet", "nasty", "gross", "good", etc. I told them that each of these tastes was really a metaphor (quick review of that for kids who didn't know) - it was a metaphor for the moments they've had before this class. They're gone now - we can't bring them back, but we can still taste them, still remember them.

I talked with them about how we would be making good tasting memories. I shared how excited I was that each of them was here, that they all mattered to this classroom, and that we were going to do some really incredible things this year. We watched The Time You Have and I handed each kid a jellybean and a baggie. They placed the bean in their baggie and I had them put them in their locker. I told them we'd be pulling them out the last week of school. I told them to remember that jellybean was there and to remember who gave it to them.

That jellybean was there as a reminder. If they were having a bad day, all they needed to do was pull out the bean and remember why they were here and that they would always have someone there for them.

What's So Scary?

This quote was on my board at the start of the school year.

I'm scared.

Yeah...there, I said it.
Deep down inside it's probably something all of you teachers think.

What is it that makes me say this? Let me try and explain.

I'm starting my 18th year of teaching, it's only the beginning of August and that feeling is creeping in. I roll over in the middle of the night and my mind races. I start thinking of my classroom and what it's going to look like - what's going to wow the kids this year? I'm streaming a show on Netflix and I start thinking of the lessons that I'm going to be doing this year - are the kids going to be engaged every single day?

But what I really can't stop thinking about, what makes me lose the most sleep, what makes me the most anxious, nervous, excited...scared...is the kids.

Last school year I made the move from 6th to 7th grade. I had been a 6th grade teacher for sixteen years and it was really all I knew and when I was told I'd be teaching 7th grade, there was much trepidation. Switching grade levels is something that's hard to explain to a person outside of the classroom, but I'd compare it to relocating to another state to do your job - same job, but there's just a different way of doing it.

Despite the move, the past school year turned out to be one of the best all-around teaching years of my career. I loved every minute of it. Moving up with the kids and being able to see them grow over two years was one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had. I developed relationships with those kids that will last a lifetime.

I approached each day with enthusiasm and excitement and continuously told the kids, "I only have 170 (whatever number we were at) days left with you! We have to make them count". This challenged me to make each day meaningful - to make each day something the kids would at least have the opportunity to remember. I knew I'd get to do 7th grade all over again, but these kids only had one shot at it. It turned out to be an incredible year. How do I know this - it ended with smiles and tears.

So what's so scary?

Knowing I have to be better than I was last year for these kids. I only have 185 days with them and I have to make each one count.

Name Your First Kid Augustus?

Ambitious goals make for outstanding achievements.

-Nike

Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now

According to “The Goals That Guide Us” an article in Psychology Today (2010) setting goals makes people happier and achieve more than without them, provides focus, increases productivity, bolsters self-esteem, and are just downright motivating.  My first experience with goal setting was inspired by former Philadelphia 76ers president, Pat Croce.  It’s been awhile since I read his autobiography, but I always remember part of the book where he confronts the President of the NBA and tells him about his goals for the Sixers – winning a championship. Croce even takes it a step further and actually asks former commissioner David Stern for the NBA trophy he had in his office to take with him – that was how confident he was that he would eventually achieve his goal of an NBA championship. He didn't quite get there, but he came real close- and in some cases, the journey trying to achieve the goal is just as awesome as achieving the goal. From that moment, I decided that I needed to get my kids thinking about their future and not being afraid to chase their dreams.

Now Is The Time

The last thirteen or so years of my teaching have included an exercise in goal setting that many may think of as somewhat challenging for an eleven or twelve year old to complete.  There’s no grade for this assignment, the requirements are simple, and they have roughly two weeks to complete it. The due date is always the same January, 20^th, the day following Martin Luther King Day.

The task is this:  I ask my students to list 101 goals they’d like to achieve in their lifetime. The goals should be typed or written neatly and they are required to share only five with the class. They need to make two copies (or I will make one for them), one to turn in and one to keep somewhere they will see every day. I keep the goals in a cabinet in my room and challenge them to come back when they’re seniors to pick up their lists.

This is one of the most rewarding activities I do with my students. Their dreams amaze me and inspire each other. I've included a few of the 14,140 goals below to show you what these outstanding kids will achieve someday.

I  Want To...

• ...laugh as much as possible.
• ...be independent, yet not afraid to ask for help.
• ...live a happy, unregretful life.
• ...prove someone wrong.
• ...eat sushi.
• ...donate blood.
• ...see the Great Pyramids
• ...have confidence in everything I do.
• ...name my first kid Augustus (my wife will probably never let me do that)
• ...be a good brother.
• ...be a person who gives people an inspiration to follow their dreams.
• ...ride in a hot air balloon.
• ...design a program that allows little kids to get started in their careers.
• ...change the world.

 I challenge you to do this with your kids. I have no doubt my students will change the world and they may even get to have a little fun along the way.

Students selected a few goals they'd like to achieve in the near future and developed an action plan.