What They Don't Tell Us

There are things they don't tell us in our education courses.

"I want to tell you something...

   ...my best friend was raped.
   ...I might be pregnant.
   ...my dad kicked the **** out of me.
   ...I don't have food in my house.
   ...my parents are getting a divorce.
   ...I miss my dog.
   ...those aren't scratches, they're cuts.
   ...I just feel so sad all the time.
   ...my parents drink a lot.
   ...I'm getting new foster parents tomorrow.
   ...my dad's in jail.
   ...the police were at my house again last night
   ...I'm depressed.
   ...we don't have a house.
    ...I feel so alone."

"Let me tell you something...

   ...my door is always open.
   ...I care.
   ...we'll find a way to get through it.
   ...I am so sorry this is happening.
   ...there are many people here that care about you.
   ...I will always listen, but won't always have answers.
   ...education can help get you away from this.
   ...I will always stop when I see you upset.
   ...you are not alone.
   ...this sucks.
   ...I'm here if you need to talk.
   ...I will do my best to get help.
   ...you can do this.
   ...I don't know why.
   ...it may take time, but you will be okay.
   ...I promise.
   ...I believe in you."

"I want to tell you something...

   ...you make me smile.
   ...I wish I was your kid.
   ...you really get us.
   ...I miss your class.
   ...you are always there for us.
   ...I love coming to your class.
   ...you believe in me.
   ...I made this for you.
   ...you are going to be at graduation, right?
   ...I wish you were my teacher next year.
   ...you are my favorite teacher, ever.
   ...I'm going to come to visit!
   ...you believe in all of us.
   ...thank you."

There are things they don't tell us in our education courses.

An 11 Year Old Smile

All we need to do is listen.

I could tell this was going to be a kid I'd remember for a long time. Her 11-year-old smile could light up the room. Her enthusiasm for learning and passion for life was contagious.

She had me fooled.

She had us all fooled.

I can hear it like it was yesterday. Her eyes tearing up, struggling to get the words out, shaking...

"Mr. Storm I have depression."

I had so many questions that I knew I didn't have answers too. I wanted to help but didn't know how. I wanted her to feel better but didn't know what to do. All I knew that I could do was listen.

I spent the rest of that year listening and learning.

Time went on as it does in middle school, as it does in life. She moved on to 7th grade and eventually 8th grade. I would occasionally see her in the hallway or she would stop in my room to say hello. That smile still there brightening up the room, but the hurt still remaining in her eyes.

Time moved on and she was off to the high school. The chairs in my room filled with more kids, each with different needs, each with different strengths, each with different smiles. New kids filling my heart, and the old ones moving to the side to make space for the new ones there.

I would often wonder what happened to her. Students would visit from the high school and I would ask about former students. I would hear sad stories, happy stories, and everything in between.

Time continued to move on and the teaching didn't stop. The world was changing. Social media was beginning and it became a part of all of our lives. Former students began to connect and it opened my heart again to all of those kids.

A notification came through from that kid from many years ago and I smiled remembering her. I accepted and looked at her profile picture. That same 11-year-old smile was there,  and so was the hurt.

Years would go by and I wouldn't have any face to face interaction with this kid. Until this year.

My classes were beginning a research project based on student interests and passions.  I decided to reach out to former students on Facebook and arrange for them to come into our class to speak about their passions and their journeys. The response was overwhelming and I was humbled. I was surprised when she reached out to talk with my class.

She arrived at my classroom door and when I opened it, she smiled. There it was. That 11-year-old smile. There was still hurt in her eyes, but they had a new sparkle to them.

She went on to tell my class about her journey- through middle school and high school, her battle with drugs and her fight with depression. There were moments that I fought back tears, and I wasn't alone. My students did the same. Her story continued to how she had managed to survive and was in college now, holding a 3.87 GPA and looking to graduate as a social worker and wanted to help others facing similar problems like hers. When she finished her story a student of mine walked over to her and hugged her. My class was speechless.

She stayed into my prep period to talk and shared more of her story. She shared that she had taken a train from Maryland to Pennsylvania to talk with my students. When I asked her why she had done that, her response was, "I saw your post and knew I could help your students. I wanted to share my story. Plus, if my favorite teacher of all time is asking for help,  I couldn't say no".

We talked for an hour. I walked her to the door and she turned and gave me a hug and thanked me.  Before she walked out, she turned and said, " I look forward to talking with your classes next year."

I can't wait to listen to more of her story.

You can read more about Teen and Adolescent Depression here.

A Letter to my Younger Teaching Self

Background:

As I look towards the end of my 20th year as a teacher, thinking about this journey happens almost every single day. Each day I'm in the classroom, each conversation I have with a student, each lesson that inspires, each lesson that fails - - I'm reminded of moments I've experienced in my classroom. I'm a big fan of the Player's Tribune and their series of "Letters to My Younger Self". I love reading about these sports stars and their journeys, but I've often wondered what if teachers had the opportunity to share their journey?

This was one of the hardest posts I've ever written. I modeled it after several letters and found that helpful with the writing process, but what made this hard was thinking about those moments that defined me. So many moments happened in my classroom that shaped me as a person and left a mark on my heart that it's impossible for me to include them all. Each of these moments, stories, incidents  I included are real. There is no exaggeration. They are told from my memory and from my heart.

Letter to My Younger (Teacher) Self:

MR. STORM

TEACHER / MIDDLE SCHOOL

Hey kid...yeah you....the one with all the energy, big smile, raising your hand at meetings, and filled with so much passion you can't wait to get to school. 

 I'm you.

Twenty years in the future. Twenty years of being a teacher later.

You're probably looking at me like "That can't be me...twenty pounds heavier, lot less hair...and man, those bags under your eyes? Are you getting any sleep?! What happened to me?" 

Well... let me tell you. Teaching happened. That’s what...you sure you want to do this? You sure you want to be a teacher?

I know what you're thinking. "There's no way teaching is that hard. " You're ready to go get 'em. Get that classroom set-up. Learn your kids' names. Come up with those fun and exciting lessons. Let me tell you, there's so much more to it than that. You're going to soon realize that it's about the relationships you develop with those kids and families and they will mean so much more to you than any lesson plan you ever write.

Your first year will fly by. Teaching 5th grade was your dream and you got to do it. Some of the days in that class will be great. You'll think you're making an impact every single day.  September of your first year will be a blur and you plan the ultimate welcome for your kids' parents. You'll get your suit on, put that awesome powerpoint presentation together, set-up the desks with notes from the kids to their parents and you will practice in front of the mirror for your first ever Back-to-School night. You'll wait at the door to greet parents.  When the first parent shows up at your door and doesn't speak English you think that's okay, you can make this work. 

Only it doesn't work. No more parents show up from your class. Not one. This will hit you hard, but it will make you work even harder.  You sit down that night and write a note to each of your fifth graders and realize you're an even bigger part of their lives. 

The year flies. You won't remember all the late nights you spent in your class planning and setting up lessons, or the countless weeknights and weekends planning and grading. You won't remember the names of some of the teachers you worked with or even the principal's name, but you will remember the first "real" conversation you have with a kid. The first time a student tells you they aren't safe at their home, that they don't want to go home. Good thing you're friends with the head of the Children and Youth division in your town.  The next day, she's not in your class and you begin to worry. She doesn't show up for a few days and your heart is torn up... I just want to warn you, it's not the last time this will happen. It's not the last time you'll lose sleep over a kid that's not yours.

You will never see that kid again. But to give you the fuel to keep going, let me tell you she's okay. That head from C&Y runs into you several years later and lets you know how thankful that kid was for you. But I also want to keep it real - not all of your stories will have happy endings and I want to just remind you, don't quit. Don't stop giving your heart to these kids. There will be many more who need you.

You will teach 5th grade like you are never going to leave, but on the last day of school, the principal will tell you that the teacher you're filling in for is coming back. Your heart breaks a little again -what will happen to these kids? You'll only get to say goodbye to the few that show up to your wedding that summer, but you will never forget these kids. You'll be looking in the newspaper to see their names at graduation and your heart will swell when you see their names, but you will always wonder about the names you didn't see.

Your life will take a direction you never thought you'd be heading...to middle school. You'll spend the next twenty years of your life teaching in a middle school and man, what an experience it will be for you. You will come to love middle school - especially the kids. So much so, you can't see yourself doing anything differently. Sixth grade will be where you make your home first, but it's not where you'll end it.

Middle school will be your first experience working with a "team" of teachers and it will be something you should cherish. Sadly, it won't be around for your entire career. Your team over the few years will change and you will make life-long friends working alongside some of the best teachers and people you'll ever meet. You will do some really fun and engaging lessons with those people. Understand that the support and relationships with teachers who care as much as you are just as important as the ones you develop with the kids. Make time to connect with them - eat lunch with them, get together for breakfast, connect on social media...enjoy the adults around you who are also giving their hearts to kids.

That first year in your classroom will be amazing. You will meet the first group of kids from a community that you will become a part of, and you will never forget any of them. There will be kids from this class that you connect with deeply. You will form bonds with them because they are the first group of kids you teach at a place you’re going to spend a long time at. Take all the coaching jobs they ask you, teach those lessons that others will question, and leave your door open to the kids before and after school. There will be many early mornings and late nights.

The crazy thing is you'll be doing this while you try to raise a family. Teaching will take a toll on you - your blood pressure will be up, your diet won’t exactly be the best, and you will always be thinking about those kids,  but remember your family comes first. Your kids will thank you for helping them chase and achieve their dreams. You will also be lucky to have a wife who will be there to listen to your stories about the day and understand your passion.  It won't be easy being a parent, a husband, and a teacher, but it will be worth it.

The teaching years will fly by. You’ll make a promise to each class that you will remember each and every one of their names, but the years blend together and you won’t remember what year you taught them. But I’ll tell you this, you will not forget the kids that you taught.

You will have names and faces that are burned in your mind forever. There will be moments that make you look at sunny days in the spring a little differently. Like the sunny afternoon in the spring when you were out in your backyard and your wife hands you the phone. Time slowed as you heard the phone chain message beginning with “we have terrible news…”

 Time will stop when you hear the name. The name of a kid who’d said goodbye to you Friday afternoon. A kid who visited your room every day after school. A kid you’d never hear say goodbye again  It’s the first time you ever experienced a kid you knew taking their own life. That moment will stay with you and shape the rest of your career. It will be a driving force in your career. You will always do your best to read a kid’s face and really see what they are feeling.  No matter what, you will make time to listen to kids

That student won’t be the first you’ll lose - there will be car accidents - kids like Chris and Larissa; drug overdoses - kids like Katey and Jose. And there will be more tough conversations with kids about abuse, drugs, eating disorders, and self-harm and you will find a way to listen and be there. You will have kids that go off to serve our country and not come back the same. These kids will stay in your heart and you’ll remember their twelve-year-old smiles forever.

Those days and moments won’t be easy…

Doesn’t sound like what they tell you in college, does it? None of those undergrad classes prepared you for that, huh?

Keep your head up. It will cross your mind many times about what you are doing. Is it worth it? Am I really making a difference? Can I be the change these kids need in their lives? You can and you will. I promise you.

You will go through many changes as a teacher. You will begin to understand that there is a lot that needs to be fixed with our education system.  Keep trying to fix it, change it, and be that teacher that you needed when you were in middle school.  Find the support you need to make it through. You will connect with amazing teachers across the world. These teachers will inspire you, motivate you and challenge you

You will attend graduations, birthday parties, and even be the DJ at one of your student’s wedding (and no, you won’t get much sleep the night before that). You will be there to offer encouraging words reminding a kid to keep chasing their dream of being a vet, even after almost quitting twice - she’ll learn that the third time is the charm. You will attend sporting events, plays, and dance recitals.  Those kids will become your kids.

You will question whether or not the kids even care? Believe me, the kids will find ways to show you they care. Some will eat lunch with you every day for two years straight. Some will make you cards and pictures - make sure you hang on to those, and some will cry on the last day of school.  Other kids will do it in the most “uncaring” of ways, but those are the kids that will need you the most. Always remember that. 

You will get to know a lot of kids and their families. You will come to be part of a community that you don’t even live in. You will always hope that all the work you’re putting in is helping this community.

When you get that notification on Facebook from a face that looks familiar to you but seems all grown up, accept it.  Social media will allow you into their lives, like you allowed them into yours. You will look at the pictures of these “kids” (they’ll always be kids to you) and realize you had a part in their lives. And all over again, you’ll be there to experience the highs and lows with your kids. Don’t be afraid to comment, congratulate, offer condolences...let them know you still care.

1998 will turn into 2018 in the blink of an eye.

When you walk through the door on a cold winter day of your twentieth year, you’ll comment to your wife,  “I’m tired, so tired...it’s so hard this year. I can’t believe what my kids are telling me and going through.”  

To help you try and feel better your wife will reply, “You’re not going to save every kid.”

No, no  I’m not, but I’m going to keep trying. I’m going to think back to you. I’m going to think back to why I became a teacher.

Positivity Challenge

Stay positive...and be kind to each other.

Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot

Hansa Proverb

Our school was inspired by Jamie McSparin of Oak Park High School in Kansas City, Missouri  to take the Positivity Challenge and show just how awesome our school is! Teachers selected a few students to thank and we explained to them how much they mean to us. The hardest part for the teachers was picking a student - every teacher that responded to the challenge said they could have picked all of their students! We're blessed to teach such amazing students. Thank you to all of the amazing students we teach daily -- enjoy the video and see some of the amazing kids we teach.

We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.

Stay positive...and be kind to each other.