What's So Scary?

This quote was on my board at the start of the school year.

I'm scared.

Yeah...there, I said it.
Deep down inside it's probably something all of you teachers think.

What is it that makes me say this? Let me try and explain.

I'm starting my 18th year of teaching, it's only the beginning of August and that feeling is creeping in. I roll over in the middle of the night and my mind races. I start thinking of my classroom and what it's going to look like - what's going to wow the kids this year? I'm streaming a show on Netflix and I start thinking of the lessons that I'm going to be doing this year - are the kids going to be engaged every single day?

But what I really can't stop thinking about, what makes me lose the most sleep, what makes me the most anxious, nervous, excited...scared...is the kids.

Last school year I made the move from 6th to 7th grade. I had been a 6th grade teacher for sixteen years and it was really all I knew and when I was told I'd be teaching 7th grade, there was much trepidation. Switching grade levels is something that's hard to explain to a person outside of the classroom, but I'd compare it to relocating to another state to do your job - same job, but there's just a different way of doing it.

Despite the move, the past school year turned out to be one of the best all-around teaching years of my career. I loved every minute of it. Moving up with the kids and being able to see them grow over two years was one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had. I developed relationships with those kids that will last a lifetime.

I approached each day with enthusiasm and excitement and continuously told the kids, "I only have 170 (whatever number we were at) days left with you! We have to make them count". This challenged me to make each day meaningful - to make each day something the kids would at least have the opportunity to remember. I knew I'd get to do 7th grade all over again, but these kids only had one shot at it. It turned out to be an incredible year. How do I know this - it ended with smiles and tears.

So what's so scary?

Knowing I have to be better than I was last year for these kids. I only have 185 days with them and I have to make each one count.

Not Many Mondays Left

There aren't many Mondays left in this school year.

I know some of my colleagues are counting them down with huge grins on their faces and looking forward to not knowing what day it is when they wake up. Personally, I am struggling with these "final" Mondays.

This is my first time looping with students. The majority of the kids I'm teaching this year I've gotten to know over two years. I was really worried about making this transition but now I'm worried about these kids leaving. This looping has reinforced what I have felt all along about teaching - that building relationships is the most important part of what we as educators do.

Monday I shared an audio clip by Eric Thomas which asked, "What is your why?" My students posted to their blogs what they felt motivated them to do what they do. This video got me thinking about my own life, both as a teacher and a parent.

There is nothing more important to me than being the best parent I can be. As any parent can attest to, this is no easy task - especially if you come from a household without parents or parents who were dealing with other problems. My parents were both alcoholics and to this day it still bothers me. It's hard to understand what it means to be a good parent until you are one. I'm not sure this makes sense but looking back I know I didn't grow up in an ideal environment and learning to be a parent has been one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I know I'm not perfect and I know I've apologized to my oldest son for some of the things I've said or done as a parent. I continue to learn as a parent and hope that I can always give my kids what they need. They are my "why" in my life. Why I go to the gym each day to stay in shape, why I wake up early to get the most out of each day, why I try (but don't always do a good job of this) to stay positive, why I try to be the best person I can be - they are my why.

The other part of me that is important is being the best teacher I can be. Some days I wish I had taught my own kids so they could see why I spend my early mornings planning or connecting with teachers on Twitter or attending EdCamps (my oldest son calls them Teacher Nerd Camps). I know why I started teaching - like so many teachers, I was inspired by another teacher. Her name was Mrs. Bailey, my fifth grade teacher.

The why I often try to answer is why do I still teach the way I do- giving everything I can and really never taking a moment to not think about teaching? And the answer is simple. I teach because of kids that walk in my room everyday. These kids are my "why" in the other part of my life. Why I get up early on the weekends and plan, why I constantly think about how I can make their day, month and year memorable, why I talk about them to people like they're my own kids, and why I love what I do everyday. These kids are my why.

Yeah...there aren't many Mondays left in the 2015-16 school year. These kids are why I don't want the Mondays to end.

Be sure to check out my man Dr. Eric Thomas' Website - he is a true inspiration.

Do Something Beyond

"Why is Clark Kent more interesting? Because we’re all Clark Kent. We all know what it’s like to be ordinary and boring and to want to rip open our shirts and do something beyond ourselves. “ 

– Brad Meltzer

Did I Do Enough? No. (Do we ever?)

When I heard this quote earlier in year  it really stuck with me. Each of us wants to do something to be remembered, to make a difference. It’s important for us, as educators, to take the time to think about the difference we do make, and more importantly the difference we can make in the lives of our students.

I’ve often hear teachers say, “I know I made the difference in at least one of my students’ lives, and probably more, but I just don’t know it” (or something like that). Is that enough? I’ve made it a point in my teaching career, sixteen amazing years ago, to get to know each one of my students and value each one of them as a person. Did I succeed? No. Have there been years, days, or moments where I could have done better? Yes.  

It’s hard to think about the idea of whether I did enough. Did I “do something beyond” myself? I know I tried, and I will try again when I meet the next group of kids. Why? Because they only get to do sixth grade once.

I thought I’d include a few of the more memorable notes/comments I received over the last few days of the year. I still find the hand written notes and pictures from my students and parents to be my favorite. This is not everything, nor is it enough. I know we may never know the impact we make on others, but when we do know, we need to treasure it. I’d like to share some of my treasure with you…

 A Few of My Treasures:

5 of the most powerful words I've ever heard.

I shared my first blog with the student who inspired me to write it. Thanks G!

"most of all you taught me how to really live my life"

Love the "Fault In Our Stars" reference :-)

" I will write my own legacy"

"Thank you for telling me to raise my hand in math"- courage.

We as teachers may not be “super”, but we are all Clark Kents.

The Hardest Days

It happened

It was our last “real” class of the year and one of my students approached me with tears in her eyes – “Mr. Storm, I’m really going to miss you- tomorrow is going to stink.”

That evening I went home and drew one of her favorite cartoon characters and added a quote to it:

The next morning I handed my student this picture and could tell it was what she needed to get through the day. There were a lot of tears, but mixed with those tears were big smiles.

It’s moments like this that make me realize why I teach.

Finding Your Purpose and Meaning

When I was hired for my first teaching job I picked up a book that would forever change my outlook on teaching and on life; Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. It's  helped me get through those last days - both professionally, and personally.  If you haven’t read it, you should.

One of my favorite quotes from that story is this:

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." (p.43)

15 Goodbyes

Over the past fifteen years of teaching, I have had fifteen “last days of school”. Fifteen goodbyes, fifteen have a good summers, fifteen see you next years, fifteen of the hardest days of the school year.

Teaching is about developing relationships. I am lucky to have found the purpose and meaning in my  life, and it’s called being a teacher.